I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
