I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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