Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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