It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
