I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
