My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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