i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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