that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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