i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
