i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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