Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
