my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
