does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He felt like a one man threesome
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
