gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
