I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
