life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
