If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
