I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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