fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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