where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish I only lived at night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
