the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
