Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I enjoy the company of your penis
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