We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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