I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
