Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
