Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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