Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
