I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
