So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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