and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
