But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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