at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
