Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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