I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
