what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
