he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
