She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
