When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
