Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
