You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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