Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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