All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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