He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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