We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
