we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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