My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
