my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
