Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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