You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
