He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
